My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
