She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
