Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
