I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
