The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
