When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
