I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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