WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize