i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
