Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
