ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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