Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
