we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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