I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
