hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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