Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
