Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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