who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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