if you like me you must not know who I am
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
