This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
