Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
