Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
