Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
