i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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