Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
