Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
