**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
