You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
