i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the day after is always just damage control
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
