McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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