Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
