I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
