the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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