How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
