I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
