All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
