You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
