Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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