You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
