sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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