she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
