Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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