I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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