I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
