FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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