At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
