The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize