Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
