can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
