Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
