i permit you to call me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
