Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
worst night to have a conscience
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
