that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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