i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
