His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
