You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
