Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
