Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
