dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize