you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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