Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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