Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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