Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
