I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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