Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize