i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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