The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
this will be a night to untag.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize