New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
