I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
