Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
